Why Are We Still Making Women Defend Their Surrogacy Choices?

Not your baby? Not your business. In this era of social media, celebrity birth announcements are typically met with celebration and well wishes for the family. But when additional details about the birth are revealed, commenters are quick to pass judgment — especially where surrogacy is involved. We saw this firsthand back in January, when Lily Collins and Charlie McDowell announced the birth of their daughter Tove, making sure to thank their "incredible surrogate" in a joint Instagram post. While some followers passed along their congratulations, others fixated on the couple's decision to use a surrogate, speculating about their reasoning and describing their choice as "disappointing" and even exploitative.

After scrolling through dozens of misinformed assumptions and hateful messages, our honest reaction is . . . are we really still doing this? But criticizing women for their surrogacy decisions is nothing new. (Remember the backlash Priyanka Chopra faced?) In January 2024, Pope Francis also sparked discussion after calling for a global surrogacy ban. He described surrogacy as "a grave violation of the dignity of the woman and the child," but in reality, there are a myriad of "dignified" reasons why someone might choose to use a surrogate — none of which should have to be explained to others.

Within the LGBTQ+ community, for instance, surrogacy can help couples build their family and establish a genetic connection to their child. People might also choose to use a surrogate for medical reasons, like fertility issues or health conditions that could lead to a high-risk pregnancy. Such was the case for Olivia Munn, who recently opened up about her own surrogacy experience in an April interview with Self.

"I needed to go this route," Munn said in reference to surrogacy, explaining that her "aggressive" breast cancer treatment ultimately put her in surgical menopause. "It wasn't for superficial reasons or because I wanted to put my work first," Munn said. "I'm not saying that any of those reasons aren't valid for those people. And I'm not judging anyone who makes those decisions based on that, but I needed [my surrogate] to understand this would be hard for me."

While there are people who decide to use a surrogate based on their personal preferences (which is also completely valid), surrogacy is most often used to help those who might not be able to carry a child or give birth on their own. That's not to mention the actual surrogates who've shared their positive experiences, saying they enjoy being able to help families. So why are we still so quick to judge?

McDowell said it best in his response to the trolls on social media: "In regards to the unkind messages about surrogacy and our path to having a baby— it's ok to not be an expert on surrogacy," he wrote. "It's ok to not know why someone might need a surrogate to have a child. It's ok to not know the motivations of a surrogate regardless of what you assume. And it's ok to spend less time spewing hateful words into the world, especially in regards to a beautiful baby girl who has brought a lot of love into people's lives." We couldn't agree more. So the next time you see someone welcoming a baby into the world (via surrogacy or otherwise) — just stick to congratulations.

Chandler Plante (she/her) is an assistant health and fitness editor for PS. She has over four years of professional journalism experience, previously working as an editorial assistant for People magazine and contributing to Ladygunn, Millie, and Bustle Digital Group.