The "Love on the Spectrum" Siblings Open Up About Life With Connor, Abbey, and Tanner

"Love on the Spectrum" has captured an arsenal of fans of the past three seasons, spotlighting heart-warming love stories and documentary-style representation of dating while on the autism spectrum.

While the series heavily focuses on budding relationships, it also showcases the relationships these reality stars have with their siblings, who have gained their own fan followings in the process. "Love on the Spectrum" doesn't shy away from the challenges that people with autism spectrum disorder face, and it also underscores how crucial support systems are to these reality stars.

With that in mind, we connected with Ben Romeo (brother of Abbey Romeo), Jack and Anna Tomlinson (siblings to Connor Tomlinson), and Midge Smith (sister of Tanner Smith) to learn more about what it was like growing up with their siblings. While each was honest that their upbringing had its challenges, they also stress that they wouldn't change it for the world. Here's what they shared.

At 25, Ben is more than a year younger than Abbey. Living with a sibling with autism is "very familiar to me," he says, adding that, "because she's older than me, I've never known anything else."

This is a common theme with everyone we spoke with. "It's normal to us," Jack says. "It's crazy that we're seeing all these reactions [to the show] because it's just our brother."

Midge points out that Tanner was diagnosed with autism around the same time as she was born. "Autism was always this thing that I felt like we rotated around—making sure Tanner was comfortable, in the best schools, and getting the best therapy," she says.

But Ben says that it's only when he got older that he realized things were slightly different in his household than ones that only had neurotypical children.

Every person we spoke with said they feel that they're more emotionally well-rounded due to their sibling. "I think I am who I am because of who Connor is," Anna says. "He really taught me empathy and just to care for other people."

Ben also says that having a sister with autism meant he needed to learn to deal with a variety of situations. "As I got older, I was aware of what it really meant that my sister had autism, and what it means in the world," he says. "I had to grow up quicker than most kids."

Even though he's the younger sibling, Ben says he would have to watch his big sister as a child when his mom was at work. "It was a way to force myself to mature faster," he says. "But by the time high school and college had rolled around, I felt more mature and independent than my peers. I was more content and confident with where I was."

Anna says she grew up being aware of the challenges that Connor faced in the way he was perceived and how others treated him. "It was hard to watch as a kid," she says. "You can't stop all the comments."

She remembers sticking up for her brother when they were little. "If kids were picking on him, I was the first one to step up, which is kind of a weird thing—he's older than me," she says. But she also stresses her love for her brother runs deep. "I feel like I have a connection with Connor that I don't have with anyone else on the planet," Anna says. "That's my person. That's my guy."

Ben also says he's "very protective" of his sister, noting that his relationship with Abbey is "a little parental" in a few ways. "She's older than me, but there will always be that protective instinct I have towards her," he says.

Midge says her sister took the protective role of Tanner when they were growing up, but she now helps look after him as his neighbor. "Overall, truly, I wouldn't have it any other way," she says.

Ben remembers having a conversation with his parents about Abbey's disorder at age 5, but says he doesn't remember the word "autism" being used. Instead, he says there was "more of an explanation" about why Abbey may act in certain ways at different times. "Very quickly, the full picture was very clear," he says.

Anna says her parents had Connor explain his disorder to her, after explaining it to him first. "It was really important to my mom and dad to have that conversation with him first," she says. "They let him tell us about it. They wanted him to know about it first before telling the whole family."

Anna says she wasn't fazed as a kid after learning that her big brother was on the spectrum. "It was just like, 'OK, cool. That's just a fact about you.'" she says.

But Jack, who is younger than Anna, says there was never a sit-down conversation for him. "He was just our older brother," he says. "When I got to a certain age, I started to think, 'Why does Connor do this or do that?' But it never changed anything."

Ben says his mom worked hard to make sure that he had the most normal upbringing as possible. "It was not perfect, but no one's upbringing is," he says. "My mom made it very normal. If I wanted to have people over, she could make it feel like it was normal, for [Abbey] and for me."

Anna also remembers her mom doing things like using flashcards to teach Connor about facial expressions and what they meant. "He takes a lot of things at face value and can't understand sarcasm," she explains.

Midge says she was "very hard" on her mom growing up for focusing on Tanner, but now realizes that her mom did a great job raising her four kids, including one on the spectrum. "She did such an amazing job of making everything fun," Midge says. "We were always on the go."

Midge is now a teacher, and she says her upbringing with Tanner has influenced her work. "I feel like I'm so much more compassionate to all of my students and the way they learn," she says. "It broadened my lens."

Anna also says life with Connor has impacted how she looks at things now. "You have a different lens on the world," she says. "You look at someone who is acting a bit differently and never is my first thought, 'What's wrong with this person?'" she says. "It's more like, 'Maybe something is going on there.'"

Everyone we spoke to praised their now-famous siblings for the genuine people they are — and reiterated much they want others to understand them. "Love on the Spectrum" gives them hope. "The show has cast a fantastic spotlight on a neurological difference that people have heard of but don't understand," Ben says. "But they're understanding it now."

"I don't need to worry about the world judging Abbey as much," he says.

Korin Miller is a writer specializing in general wellness, health, and lifestyle trends. Her work has appeared in Women's Health, Self, Health, Forbes, and more.