Given the State of Abortion Rights, I Don't Feel Safe Trying to Get Pregnant Again

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

Many physicians don't consider the treatment for ectopic pregnancy to be an abortion, and yet this medical issue and its care have been affected by the overturning of Roe v. Wade. The story below goes into detail about one person's experience with the condition and the treatments suggested by the professionals she consulted. It is not intended to advise anyone on what specific course of treatment to pursue or to provide medical or legal advice. Anyone uncertain about what course of action is appropriate for them or their situation, and what course of action is possible for them where they live, should consult professionals familiar with their circumstances and the applicable state's laws. For more information on ectopic pregnancies and why they've become part of the reproductive healthcare conversation, read POPSUGAR's feature on ectopic pregnancy in a post-Roe world.

My abortion saved my life. I had just turned 26 and was actively trying to get pregnant with my fiancé. It was 2016, and we'd been trying for a year and a half. I have stage four endometriosis, so getting pregnant has been a struggle for me.

I had just had an HSG test, where they do an X-ray to outline the shape of your uterus. They use a tiny tube to inject the contrast material into the vagina and cervix to detect any fallopian-tube blockages. There's anecdotal evidence that an HSG test can increase fertility, because it clears things out. The next step is to go over the findings of the test, but before we even had that meeting, a few weeks after the test, I took an at-home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I caught it between four and six weeks; it's hard to date because the endometriosis messes up my periods so much.

Right away, the doctor started monitoring my hCG levels with blood tests every two days, but he realized that the numbers weren't trending correctly. It was my first pregnancy, and I didn't really know what that meant. When they performed an ultrasound, they couldn't find the pregnancy in my uterus.

They told me it was an ectopic pregnancy and the treatment is an abortion. I didn't know anything about ectopic pregnancies. I was like, is there any way to save it? Can you reimplant it? Should I just wait a little bit longer? They said if you wait, you risk the chance of rupturing your fallopian tube and dying. I was glad that I had doctors I could trust.

I was devastated. It was actually the day after [Donald] Trump was announced president-elect. And my first thought was, I really hope that I don't have to [have another abortion] in the future, because I am scared for my future.

It was my first pregnancy, and I finally thought we got it right. And then it was very not right. Seeking the abortion to save my life was something that I had to struggle with but know that that was the correct course of action. It was either I live and live to try again, which we were able to do, or I die for something that was also going to die. Technically I had a choice, but there was no real choice in my mind. I had to have the abortion.

Once we knew the course of action, I had to wait a couple days to have the actual abortion. I didn't notice any restrictions on the procedure at the time, but I worry now that if it happens again, it would be much more difficult. (Editors' note: Florida recently passed legislation banning abortion after 15 weeks, except in cases of medical emergency. To prove a situation is a medical emergency, two physicians must sign off.)

I picked up the methotrexate I was prescribed at the pharmacy, and then I brought it into my fertility specialists so they could do the injection. I had to just stick my butt out for them so they could inject it. I cried the entire time because I was devastated, but I knew that I would live.

The process itself was miserable. I was bleeding for weeks. I actually had to wear Depends because I would bleed through pads. I was bleeding for probably about a week and a half to two weeks. I had a lot of cramping and also a lot of mood swings because of the hormones. And I was still trying to live a normal life. It was a grueling couple of weeks because I got no peace. Every second was a reminder of this loss.

We actually wound up getting pregnant almost immediately after ending the ectopic pregnancy, and I had a spontaneous miscarriage at 11 weeks. Because I'd had such a difficult experience with the medical abortion, I chose a D&C [dilation and curettage] when they offered it to me. For my mental health, I could not go through weeks of bleeding again.

After the two losses back to back, I actually took a long hiatus from trying to get pregnant. I went back on birth control and just tried to get my mental health back to where it needed to be. I eventually started therapy, though I wish I'd started earlier. Finally in February of this year, I started talking about trying with my fiancé again, and it was a huge moment for me to finally feel mentally prepared and healed enough. But then everything started to happen with abortion rights, and I realized that I didn't feel safe having a high-risk pregnancy. I'm not going to try to get pregnant, because I don't want to die.

I ended up getting an IUD at Planned Parenthood the day before the Dobbs opinion came down. With everything that happened and having the spontaneous miscarriage immediately after the first pregnancy, I was like, I can't risk my health and not be able to make a choice that will save me.

We have a lot of family in the tri-state area, and they've asked why we don't leave Florida. But I've been in Florida for almost a decade, and if there's something my fiancé and I can do to change things down here, we'll do it. We're very hopeful with this year's gubernatorial race. I want to be able to say that I tried my hardest to change where I'm at instead of having to go back home.

Ultimately, I'm very proud that I had an abortion. It's not something I'm secretive about at all. After I started sharing my story, I had so many of my friends reach out to me privately and say that they experienced something similar or felt alone when they decided to have an abortion. It is not a taboo subject in my life. It is not something that I feel shame about. It is something that I am able to speak about; I can confidently say, I chose abortion. It was the right choice for me. And if given the situation again, I would do it without hesitation.

— Mandie Hrehorovich (she/they) (Florida), as told to Victoria Edel

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor