Nobody Tells You an Abortion Is Going to Cost $900

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

Three months ago, I was telling my partner how I didn't feel like myself. I hadn't gotten my period, and I'd been super moody, like something was off. He laughed and was like, "Well, you might be pregnant." And I was like, "No, there's no way."

It was 2 in the morning. He had just gotten off work doing the night shift, so we drove to the nearest Walgreens that was open and bought three tests. I had a gut feeling they'd come out positive. In the back of my mind, I think I knew.

I took two tests, but I didn't want to look at them. I was so scared. I had him look at one, and I looked at the other, and we both opened our eyes, and they were positive. He had this shocked look on his face, and I was like, "You know what, I'll take the last one. I'll take one more."

When it came back positive, we sat there, and I just started crying.

My whole life, I have wanted children. I do, at some point in my life, want children. But I just knew this wasn't the time. I'm 23, and while we've talked about our future and plan on getting married and starting a family, that wouldn't be for another five years or so. I come from a very traditional, very Catholic, Mexican family. I knew they would be supportive, but at the same time, I would feel this wave of judgment — this guilt from them.

So we took a moment to breathe, and then we looked at each other. I was like, "OK, let's say we go through with the pregnancy — what are our next steps?" He was like, "Well, if we go through with it, I'm going to have to get two jobs." He had also just gotten off probation and didn't have a car, so we were dealing with that. We both got laid off from the same company, and he was barely making any hours at his new overnight job. So we were dealing with our rental assistance to get back on our feet. We had to weigh those things.

There was that doubt of, "Can I do this? Are we ready?" So I said, "OK, what if we don't?" And he was like, "I will be there in every way that I can with what you want to do."

I chose to terminate the pregnancy. I started looking around and found this fake clinic, which I did not know at the time was a Christian pro-life-based clinic. The appealing thing was it does free appointments. When I got there, they started asking me questions about my partner, our relationship: Am I married? Do I want to be married? Am I sure that this is the route I want to go? They didn't call it an abortion; they called it the "nonparental route."

They kept making me think — they didn't say — that they would help arrange an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. So I just assumed that I was already getting ready for an abortion.

Two weeks passed, and I went back to the clinic. I was already far along enough to hear the heartbeat, and they let me listen to it. That broke me, because I wanted to have a child but just not right then. The f*cked-up part is that they put an ultrasound picture in my paperwork to take home. When I told my mom, she was like, "You know what? F*ck that place. Let's call Planned Parenthood." So I did.

The earliest appointment they could get me was right before I was at the 12-week mark, which is the point at which legislators in Nebraska have been trying to ban abortions, though they're still currently legal up until 20 weeks. When they told me how much it would cost, I freaked out. Because nobody tells you that. Your whole life, you grow up believing abortion should be accessible, but nobody tells you that it's going to cost you about $900.

I wasn't working at that time. I was broke and could barely afford my gas, and I kept thinking what it would be like if I had a baby and couldn't afford diapers or formula. So I told my roommates that I was pregnant and wanted an abortion but couldn't afford it. They started an anonymous GoFundMe and soon raised enough that I could pay for it and also for my gas and groceries.

When I went to Planned Parenthood, they were very comforting. The nurses were really nice and allowed my partner to sit in the back with me. They explained to us what was going to happen and how the procedure would be done. The whole time, I was scared and nervous and emotional, but they comforted me in a way that made me feel like what I was doing wasn't so taboo.

The procedure itself was really painful. I tried not to put so much focus into what was happening, that my uterus was being scraped. When we were done, my mom and my partner both brought me home, and my emotions didn't hit me until a week later, when someone asked how I was doing. That's when I burst into tears and was like, "I don't know."

I'm full of regret, but at the same time, I'm happy I made the decision I made. I have so much more I want to do, and I know I can't yet handle the responsibility of someone else. I felt like no one understood my conflicting feelings — I would be happy one minute and then burst into tears and just sob for a whole day.

I also had to deal with the fact that I had put my body through this, that I had just experienced this trauma. It's been such a lonely road, and it's made me want to help other people going through the same thing. Planned Parenthood has counselors, but there's nowhere you can go and talk through everything.

I couldn't imagine going through this alone, and I know a lot of people have to do it by themselves. Getting an abortion has opened my eyes and made me want to do more for community members and people with a uterus who don't know where to go or how to express their feelings or feel safe. I've reached out to Planned Parenthood, and we're going to try to get a support group going, because we don't really have that. For me, I can't just stop here with my own experience.

— Nissa Rodgers (she/they) (Nebraska), as told to Chandler Plante

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor