If I Hadn't Had My Abortion, I Wouldn't Have the Children I Do Now

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

My husband and I both come from really big families. He's the youngest of five boys, and I'm the youngest of five girls. We wanted to add more grandchildren to the count. We got pregnant on the first try, and we were over the moon.

At our 20-week ultrasound, everything kind of blew up.

We were going to find out the gender of our baby at that time, but when I asked the ultrasound technician about it, he said, "I'm actually just going to let the doctor talk to you."

It was the end of the day, and I think they were waiting for the rest of the patients to leave before they discussed our baby with us. But it also could've taken the doctor that long to tally up all of the things that were wrong with our baby. Finally, she walked in with literally a full 11-by-17-inch legal pad listing fetal abnormality after fetal abnormality.

I remember stopping her and telling her I couldn't hear anymore. Was I not going to get this baby? And then she said that no, this baby wasn't going to make it.

She said that my placenta was not normal either. It was thickened, and when they see that, it sometimes means it's growing into your uterus, and [that] can create a number of problems. So my uterus was in jeopardy if we were to continue. And she said, "Not that I want to put any pressure on you, but the state of Minnesota doesn't perform abortions after about 24 weeks, so you only have a few weeks to make a decision. But the further along this pregnancy gets, the more at risk your uterus will be." (Editors' note: Minnesota allows abortion until viability, which is generally considered to be around 23 to 24 weeks gestation, according to The Washington Post.)

At the time, there was only one clinic performing abortions that late in the second trimester, and that was Planned Parenthood. The hospital that we were at wouldn't take us, because my life wasn't in danger, and my baby, however malformed, still had a heartbeat. He barely had blood flow to the lower half of his body at all, but they still wouldn't perform an abortion for us.

That meant we were going to Planned Parenthood, and not only would we have to walk past protesters to enter the clinic, but we wouldn't get to hold our baby.

I didn't learn this until later, but there are two types of abortion that can happen once you get into the second and third trimesters. The first type is a D&E, a dilation and evacuation abortion, which is what Planned Parenthood would be able to perform.

The other type of abortion is called an induction abortion or labor induction, where they induce labor. I don't think Planned Parenthood offered that option, and the hospital wouldn't take us. But if I'd had that option, we would've been able to see our baby and hold him, and just have that closure.

At the time, I didn't get the information about which type of abortion I was getting — or that there were two types of abortion. In so many ways, abortion is just forced into the dark shadows. Even as a patient, you're not getting an entire picture.

At Planned Parenthood, they had us sign our 24-hour-waiting-period paper and read us a document of information about the risks of abortion. Minnesota just knocked out both of those abortion restrictions, but they were still a thing for us back in 2016.

We had gone in on a Monday for an ultrasound, and they didn't have the availability to schedule us for our procedure until Thursday, meaning the two-day procedure wouldn't be completed until Friday. I can't even imagine what that wait time would mean to the women from five nearby states who sought abortion care in Minnesota because of bans in their own states.

We are so grateful for Planned Parenthood and the way that Planned Parenthood helped us. They gave us our son's handprints and footprints. Then they completely arranged our son's cremation. We're beyond grateful for what they did for us. But looking back, I would've much preferred to have the opportunity to have an induction abortion. I desperately wish I could have received one instead of a D&E. It is the cause of my most painful grief.

People have literally said to me, "I don't consider that an abortion," and I have come back and just said, "Morally, you don't consider what I did an abortion, but medically, legally, I did." I had an abortion. And justifying my abortion because of my health feels like such a disservice to other women and other families and other people, because no matter where you are when you find yourself needing an abortion, nothing should prevent you from seeking that healthcare.

The only reason I now have three little boys is that I had an abortion. If I didn't have that abortion, I may not have a uterus. I wouldn't have a family, I wouldn't have children — at least these children, my children — that I got to grow inside of me.

— Tippy Amundson (she/her) (Minnesota), as told to Chandler Plante

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor